motorcycles.htm

Some random thoughts on motorcycles

I've been riding for more than five decades. That gives a man time to form opinions. And to reform opinions. Having that much time to chew on something makes some people hard-headed. I know I am.

First things, first. Motorcycles are dangerous. Don't let anyone tell you they're not dangerous. But temper that bit of knowledge with the following: stairs are dangerous; prescription medicine is dangerous; and automobiles are dangerous. If you're not willing to accept the responsibility to educate yourself, I suggest you avoid all the above. If you believe that your duly elected representative should pass laaaaws to protect you from these threats, and if you believe these laws will indeed protect you, I can show you some nifty exercises to increase your flexibility. You'll be needing more flexibility--it makes things easier when you kiss your ass goodbye.

Preliminaries:
Have you ever considered riding a motorcycle? I'll bet you've entertained the thought at least once. Maybe every time you see that Viagra commercial? The one where that sorta nothing-looking guy puts his wife, Fanny Fox, on the back of his bike and rides off to the motel? Lemme put you wise--it's a commercial. That knuckle-faced creep is not married to the gal in heat. Hell, he couldn't get laid if he drove a Rolls. Of all things, he's riding a Harley Sportster. A Sportster can't pass a milk truck! Stop thinking this way! But if you just gotta have one, I offer this: Everyone who wants a bike should get one. He should get it after his kids are grown and no longer dependent on him.

And here's some advice on a different tack. If your child announces he wants a motorcycle, pay close attention, but don't panic. Most kids go through this, and most outgrow it. But if your child becomes more and more vocal about motorcycle riding, if he begins to buy motorcycle magazines, if motorcycle posters show up on his bedroom wall, and if he suddenly stops talking about riding, believe me--he is riding. There is no more dangerous situation for the kid to encounter. He has been taught to ride by a friend who was taught to ride by a friend who was . . . and they don't know any better. The sutures in their skulls haven't closed yet . There's no reasoning with them. Don't try.

The kid isn't going to quit through suggestion, reason, or negotiation, so make some demands. Like: "When you earn the money for a basic rider's course and a helmet; when you successfully complete the course and buy the helmet; we'll see about buying you a bike. Until that time, if I see you on a motorcycle, or if I hear of you on a motorcycle as a driver or a passenger, this deal is off. Not only is this deal off, but you won't be driving the car, either."

Chances are, he may just want a dirt bike. That's a much better deal. No hate-asses in 3,000 pound vehicles to screw with him on a track. And most folks find other things to do after they break a leg. High-side a wide open 400cc bike? That'll leave a couple ounces of skin in the berm. He'll sell the bike at any price, then join the chess club.

Your first motorcycle--lessons and lids:
I was fortunate. The guy who taught me to ride was intelligent and had 30, or so, years of biking under his belt. That's probably why I lived. I know folks who didn't live. I know folks whose legs wouldn't bend if a piano fell on them. Later, I'd discover my teacher's experience didn't necessarily mean that much. I know plenty of folks who've been riding for thirty years but haven't learned a damned thing in twenty-nine and a half of them.

You don't have to be lucky. You can start doing the right things immediately. Before you buy a bike, take the "Basic Motorcycle Operator Training Course" offered by the Motorcycle Safety Foundation. The foundation provides the bikes, so that cuts your upfront cost substantially. The course is about 2 1/2 days long. During that time you may discover that you really don't want to ride motorcycles. If that's the case, you won't take a loss selling your bike. Contact your state DPS. They'll direct you to an instructor in your area. Successful completion of the basic course will qualify you for most of your "learner's" license, and, like it or not, you've got to have a license to ride a bike.

So, you're a big, bad, raw-assed biker, and you just don't need this crap? Believe me, hot rod, you ain't too good for such as this. I took the basic course after I'd ridden 47 years. My wife wanted to ride and "requested" I take the course with her. Result? I learned more than the beginners. I was a lousy biker? Think again. Using the front tire of my (stock) street bike, I can push a 55-gallon drum drum up inclines that most "bikers" can't climb with a hill bike. I've done it--feet on the pegs. You can run down the Intestate 70 mph? Hell, a chimpanzee can be taught to do that. I'll bet you'll drop your bike in a WalMart parking lot driving under 5 mph, then duckwalk it into a parking space.

Or, just start with the "Advanced Motorcycle Operator Training Course." It's a piece of cake if you've taken the "basic" course. If you haven't, it appears to be hell. I've accompanied a half dozen "experienced" riders through this course, two were motorcycle cops. Every damned one of them nearly wore out a pair of boots dragging his feet through the obstacles. Completion of the "advanced" course will get you substantial reductions in your insurance rates.

Both courses require that you wear a helmet while you're seated on the bike. I don't like lids (helmets). They're hot. If you don't keep them clean, they stink and fog over. Most states require you use one, though. In that case, the "full face" helmets are obviously the safest . . . and the hottest. "Open face" lids offer a little less protection. "Half helmets" offer the least protection. Having said all that, I never wore one except during rider training. One day, for no earthly reason, I put on a lid to go riding. My neighbor's dog ran under my bike and put me down for my first "bone breaker" (shoulder, clavicle, ribs). The helmet sustained a 2 1/2" cut just over the place my ear would have contacted the road. I've never ridden without a lid since. Buy one! Wear it!

Now that you've accomplished the minimum, start shopping for a bike. A used motorcycle is often a pretty good value. Most folks buy new, ride a bike for a very short time, store it, and when mama starts bitchin', sell it. If you're looking at a used bike, make sure it's in good mechanical condition--parts and labor for motorcycles are outrageous. Hoses should be pliable, and without cracks. Make the owner start the bike cold. Put your hand on the block to insure that it's cold. A motorcycle that has been stored may be difficult to start, but it should come off choke in a couple of minutes and idle pretty smoothly. After it has been accelerated, it should return to idle rapidly and smoothly. Restart the bike with the engine hot. It should start easily, without the choke applied. There are wear indicators on the brakes of most bikes. Make sure you've got plenty of brake lining left. The bike should brake smoothly and powerfully. It should not shudder or squeal when the brakes are applied. The bike should fit. Hand and foot controls should be easily accessible. Both of your feet should touch the ground flatfooted when you're stopped and in the saddle. Regardless of the current sticker expiration date, insist that the owner take the bike through state inspection, at the inspection station of your choice, while you are present. (If the bike passes inspection, reimburse the owner. If the bike doesn't pass, walk away immediately. The seller may be crooked, and you can't win negotiating with a liar or thief.) Motorcycles hold very little value after their initial purchase. Check with your bank or a "blue book" for the bike's resale value. Take an experienced rider with you to see and test the bike, preferably one with some mechanical knowledge. Get the vehicle's VIN. Run a check to see how long previous owners have kept the bike or if it has ever been wrecked. Check the insurance rate for the bike before you buy the machine. Since tires are going to cost $150.00 to $200.00 each, make sure they're in good shape. Worn tires aren't a reason not to buy a bike, but have the owner come off the asking price enough to cover the cost of replacement.

Cleanliness is the furthest thing from godliness:
Keep your bike meticulously clean. All good bikers do so. It keeps the rider from meeting God too soon. Look for fluid leaks. Regularly, and often, get your hands on every part of your bike. Feel in every nook and cranny for loose nuts, cracked frame parts, loose spokes, road garbage stuck in tires, etc. It's just better to discover a problem while you're parked than to discover the problem at 85 mph in the twisties.

And clean bikes are chick magnets. But you may not have any interest in that.

Keep your head on a swivel:
About eighty percent of all bike/auto accidents happen in an area within a 120 degree arc in front of the biker. Almost 100 percent of these accidents involve an auto turning left into the bike's path. Peripheral vision probably covers 160 degrees or more with most folks, but peripheral vision decreases as speed increases. Certainly, your vision is sharper straight in front of you than it is to the sides. If you want to stay alive and out of a wheelchair, keep your head on a swivel (moving a bit side to side) when you're underway. You'll see more that way, and have more information to make better decisions with.

And heed this: your rearview mirrors tell you where not to go; they do not tell you where you can go. A look in your rearviews for a lane change may reveal traffic in the other lane--don't think about going there. A look in your rearview mirrors may reveal nothing in the other lane--still, don't change lanes, yet. A clear lane in a rearview gives you enough information that you should now turn (from the waist) and look at the situation with your eyes. Rearview mirrors are small. They simply don't provide you with enough information to make a lane change. Don't change lanes until both your eyes have seen the situation clearly. If your shoulders don't turn eighty to ninety degrees as you turn your head, you're only seeing the road behind you with one eye. That provides less than 50 percent of the information you need to make a lane change--there's no depth perception (you can't judge distance) when you look at the road through one eye.

There is, however, an exception to the "don't depend on your rearviews" rule. Don't ignore them, either. An area biker was seriously injured, maybe killed, a few nights ago. Driving down I-35 he popped his turn signal, slowed to take the exit ramp, and was run over by a God damned drunk who was following him in an automobile. Judging from the looks of his bike, the rider will probably be better off if he doesn't live. Any time you make a speed or direction change, consult your rearviews. That drunk either is, or soon will be, driving again. The law doesn't give a flying fuck if a biker is killed.

Somewhat off this subject, but I don't know if I'll have a better opportunity to throw it in later, I'll opine that size does matter. I won't drive a small displacement bike anywhere on the road. I require that a chain driven bike be no smaller than 750cc; a shaft driven bike, no less than 1000cc. If you know how to ride, horsepower and torque are important safety features. If the rider in the previous paragraph had seen the drunk approaching, and had the horsepower and torque to do so, he might have been able to accelerate out of harm's way. But again, heed this: A 1600cc bike in fifth gear will not accelerate any faster than a 60cc bike in third gear. Always downshift a gear or two, and check those rearviews, when you decelerate.

Barbed wire is inherently dangerous (drivin' out the back of the curve):

Drivin' out the back of a curve is the one vehicle wreck always shown on the news. It serves as conclusive proof that bikes are death traps. Next to being run down by the bike-hater turning left in front of you at an intersection, it's probabaly the second most likely cause of a serious accident on a motorcycle.

There are three usual causes for driving out the back of a curve:
1) The biker can't handle his bike. Folks that have ridden for years often do not understand motorcycle performance. You can spot 'em in a heartbeat. Their pegs are pristine. They don't practice leaning in a tight radius, so they panic the instant their pegs touch the ground. They enter a curve at a higher rate of speed than anticipated, panic, roll off the throttle mid-curve, and the bike falls over. They then slide who-knows-where. If who-knows-where is through a barbed wire fence, they usually bleed out.
2) Operating a motorcycle under the influence of drugs. Why the hell goof-ballers are attracted to motorcycles is beyond me. These stupid bastards don't even realize they're going too fast for their "skills." But they may have an advantage--they may never realize they've wrecked.
3) Operating a motorcycle under the influence of alcohol. See number 2, above.

New tires? You may need a sling for your ass:

Riding on new tires? If your hiney isn't so tight that it'll clinch the head off a finishing nail, it should be. I recently read that a huge motorcycle wrecking yard in Maryland has discovered that 65-70 percent of all the bikes in their yard were hauled in with new--less than 700 miles use--tires on them. This observation has been confirmed by numerous others who deal in wrecked bikes.

Why? I'm not sure, but several reasons come to mind: 1) The new tires may be on a new bike with which the rider is unfamiliar. That increases the chance of an accident. 2) New (unskilled) riders often have new bikes, ergo, new tires. Unskilled riders contribute to a hell of a lot of accidents. 3) The wrong size tires may be mounted on these bikes. There's a bunch of fools out there trying to jamb fat skins inside the framework of their bikes. 4) Mounting a motorcycle tire is a lot different than mounting an automobile tire. Motorcycle tires are notorious for not seating against the rim properly. As a result, a newly mounted tire may deflate without warning. Always take it easy for the first couple of hundred miles on new tires.

Lemme put you wise to brakes:
When I began riding in the fifties, I believe all bikes were fitted with drum front/drum rear brakes. The front tire of a motorcycle is several inches larger in diameter than the rear tire. That larger tire is a more effective lever which works against the stopping power of the front (drum) brake. If you don't follow that, head back to Physics 101--simple machines; levers--and take a refresher. Suffice it to say the only way we did "stoppies" back then was to hit a Buick. And many Buicks were hit, as those front brakes didn't provide a lot of stopping power. In an emergency, you just grabbed the binders and hoped that little St. Safety, or whoever, statue mounted on your headlamp didn't fly off and pierce your lungs.

Fortunately, all that has changed. And in response, so has riding technique. If you're an old guy, or if you have been taught to ride by an old guy, or if you have been trained by the Motorcycle Safety Foundation, you've been taught to apply both brakes equally. 'Tain't so no mo'.

Here's why: With the advent of front disc brakes, often dual front disc brakes, the front brakes are no longer overpowered by the large diameter of the front tire. There's simply a lot more surface area for the brake pads to contact, and, being exposed to the air, the discs and pads cool more rapidly, thereby remaining more efficient. Most riders of today's bike agree that 80% of braking power is front brake power. I think it's more like 85%-90%, but surely slowing a modern bike should depend largely on the front brake's power. Believe me, that's a good thing, Martha! The old school's delicate balance of requiring equal braking power, front and rear, often left the rider with "down syndrome" --he locked the rear tire which began to skid, let off the rear brake pressure to eliminate the skid, the (unbraked) rear tire instantly began to travel faster than the front tire, and the bike and rider went "down". Most inelegant. Hurts like hell. Motorcycle paint is very expensive!

Read and heed: Should you ever lock your rear brake, do not release the pressure on that brake until you've come to a full stop. If you do, I hope you've intentionally laid you bike down (on something soft) and practiced picking it up, because that's what you're going to do . . unless you're injured too badly.

Read and heed, again: Traveling under 5 mph? Do not even think of touching your front brake. If you do, you have duplicated the "rear wheel traveling faster than the front wheel" scenario, and if your front wheel is turned even slightly, you will instantly contract "down syndrome". Use your clutch to control your speed when riding slowly. (I know. I know. When learning to drive a car, you were repeatedly admonished not to ride the clutch. This is true for cars, but motorcycles have wet sump clutches. It'll take 100,000 miles to wear out a wet sump--oil bathed--clutch.) If you must stop while riding at slow speeds, use only the rear brake. If it locks, ride the lock to a full stop.

Now, to all my buddies who don't, and none of you do, practice emergency stops every time you ride. If you don't, you are going to leave your ass on the pavement and you teeth in a Peterbuilt! Properly performed, this braking procedure will slow your bike much faster than you can slow your car. Improperly performed, . . . well, you've been wanting to know just how good your insurance is, anyway.

Here's the deal: In an emergency stop, apply your front brake first. Squeeze the brake lever slowly and smoothly. As the brakes contact the front pads, you will feel the weight of the bike shift onto the front wheel, compressing the shocks. Once the shocks are fully compressed, you can apply as much pressure to the front brake lever as you desire. If you grab a handful of binder before the shocks are compressed, the front tire, with little or no weight on it, will just skid. Hello, K-Wobbler! Now, smoothly apply the rear brake. Don't lock it (see the preceding paragraphs).

Somewhat related to the above, I never try to stop in an emergency situation. I just use the brakes to slow the bike and get it bike under control so I can change direction, apply the throttle, and drive out of harm's way. Waiting for the other shoe to fall (sitting still) doesn't make a lot of sense to me.

The chickie stick (two-up riding):

(More to come.)